


Collector

by xDomino009x



Series: Dear Diary [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Death, Diary/Journal, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Tension, Spoilers, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7158848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDomino009x/pseuds/xDomino009x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being brought back from the dead by Cerberus, Shepard begins to write her journals again at Kelly's suggestion. With a lot more to deal with and a new team to work with she has her work cut out for her.</p><p>A/N: not finished yet but I'm still working on it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Collector

**Author's Note:**

> Still a work in progress, but it'll all be updated as it goes on :)  
> Gonna be trying to get back into this, sorry for leaving it for so long

So this is my first entry. Kelly suggested I start writing my diaries again after I mentioned it used to help me when I was dealing with issues on the missions I’d been on before. For now my only real issue is with myself. I understand everything else. I know what my mission is, I understand who I’m up against and I get the odds are very against me. But I don't even know who I am anymore.

Cerberus brought me back after I’d been dead for two years. I can barely even write that down without freaking out a little bit. It’s a lot to think about. One second I’m dead and the next it’s all Reapers and Suicide Missions all over again. It never ends apparently, there’s always some new big bad to deal with and I’m always going to be in the centre of it I assume. All because I went near that damned beacon.

So now I’m stuck on the Normandy SR-2, with Joker who wants to pretend this ship is his old baby and Chakwas who is probably the only one who’s entirely on my side. Joker is too enraptured with the leather seats and annoyed with the AI, EDI, who’s been put on the ship to keep an eye on us for Cerberus I guess. He’s still 100% on my side, but I’m not sure he has his priorities in the right place at the moment. He’s just been given another chance to fly, his old commander back. I get it, how it feels to be given another chance when there was none before. I almost don't feel that after my death. I don't remember being dead, I just have a calendar on the wall of my cabin that shows me two years have passed and a load of red lines across my face and body that show where I’ve been pieced together again.

Our first order of business is to head to Omega, where we can find the salarian scientist Mordin Solus. He’s supposed to help us with these seeker swarms Veetor mentioned back on Freedom’s Progress. It was good to have seen Tali there, even if it was just for a short time. I needed to know some of my old team still remembered me I guess. Those swarms will make it impossible to even get close to the Collectors if we can't work out a way to get past them or through them or whatever.

** ** **

Aria is a bitch. She’s gorgeous and dangerous but definitely a complete bitch. I don't know how she’s managed to rule like this for so long, with an iron fist and no care for the innocent people. She probably wouldn't have sent me to find Mordin if it didn't help her out too. But I figure she’d gonna be waiting for an opportunity to ask me for a favour in return, she seems like that sort of person. Cold and calculating and capable of anything.

Getting Mordin out of the quarantine zone was hard work, but with Miranda and Jacob at my back it wasn't too bad. After fighting through what must have been half the mercs on Omega we made it to this little lab he’d set up where he was working on a cure for the plague that had started. Lucky for us it didn't affect humans, just aliens, but that gave us all the more reason to help Mordin when he asked us to take the cure to the ventilation units. Aliens already hate humans, this does not have to give them more reason to. Turns out that the Vorcha had planned for that too and had released the plague themselves - it didn't affect them either conveniently.

When we got Mordin back he went right to his lab and set straight to work. He seemed pleased EDI was on the ship - showed Cerberus doesn't only have human members I guess. I feel like he’s going to be a great addition to the team and I find all his chattering quite amusing. It’s almost funny to try and let him keep going until he reaches a conclusion, and the times I did on the walk back to the ship he was always right. He has a sharp mind and we’ll need that.

** ** **

Visiting the Citadel was odd. I haven't been there for two years, and looking around I can tell. The new security measures and the way the presidium has been built up bigger and better than before. It’s good to see it fixed up after the attack by Sovereign, and it hasn't changed as much as it could have. The wards have been changed a little too, but they’re still quite similar. I visited the place I stood with Liara looking out at the nebula that one time. It’s still there, still pretty much the same as it was. I'm not sure I want to be thinking about her right now.

Aside from trying to figure out the changes to the Citadel and find my way around the place after the rebuilding works, I made a new friend. A young thief called Kasumi. She’s taken a job from Cerberus to help me in this mission and even if she is a petty criminal I’ll take all the help I can get at this point. She seems friendly enough, fun to talk to and pleasant company. Sometimes my translator has trouble keeping up with her, she speaks Japanese and for some reason a few words don't seem to compute. Either than or they’re so universally known to humans we don't need the translations anymore. She’s a sweetheart and I’m looking forward to having her on the ship. At some point she’ll explain that small favour she’d requested from Cerberus, which I’ll be expected to help her with I assume.

I went to see the Council and Anderson after that, while I was in the area anyway. My personal details have been changed from assumed dead to very much alive, and I dont even have to go through all the legal process to make sure I wasn't just evading my taxes. The new head of C-Sec security, Lieutenant Bailey, seems like a decent guy, even if he seems to have a bit of hero worship going on for me as the first human Spectre. I guess it can't hurt to have him on my side, especially since the Council seem to dislike me just as much as they used to. Some things don't change. Although they did give me my Spectre status back which is something I guess. I’m looking forward to the exclusive supplies at least, they came in handy in my last mission.

It goes without saying that Udina wasn't glad to see me again, and the feeling was definitely mutual. I can only feel sorry for Counsellor Anderson having to put up with him day in day out and all the bullshit he no doubt pulls. I don't doubt Udina tries to undermine him every chance he gets, and it’s gotta get annoying.

** ** **

I haven't worn a fancy dress for a while, and the little black cocktail dress Kasumi picked out for me was a killer. I wish I’d had it sooner, would have made picking out my outfits for dates and parties easier. But I wasn't with her in Donovan Hock’s home to admire myself. We were there to steal back a grey box that he had stolen from her.

It contained the memories of her old lover, Keiji, before he was killed by Hock for the information in the box. Instead of destroying it, like he'd asked her to, Kasumi decided she wanted to keep the box. I know how she feels, although I won't deny I’m worried for her and what she's getting herself into this time. She’s already gotten herself almost killed over a dead man, as cruel as that sounds, and I don't want anything to happen to someone on my team. I’ve spoken to her a lot recently and I’d like to consider her a friend.

For now it’s just a shame she’s so wound up in her old lover’s memories. It would be nice for us to have time to go out and get a drink to celebrate. It used to be something of a tradition before, when I was chasing after Saren until the importance of that mission took over everything. Once we’d taken him down the whole crew took a shore leave, even Joker, and we drank the night away. I’d like to get back to those small celebrations even for the little victories. Who knows which happy moment could be out last? We should make as many of them as we can while we still can. Kelly's gonna read way too much into me saying that.

** ** **

Aria is still a bitch. I know she’s going to ask me for a favour soon, something in return for all the information I’ve been requesting. In the end I know I’m probably going to regret this, but I needed her help for this. In the days before Saren I would never have considered turning to her for help, but after resorting to the Shadow Broker’s information and going to men like Harkin for my information on the whereabouts of guys I needed to find I think I’m almost as low as I can get when it comes to choosing my sources. After Harkin, Aria almost seems pleasant by comparison.

I haven't seen Garrus since the Normandy SR-1 left the Citadel for the last time before it’s destruction. The collector attack took me away from everyone I cared about and now I’m back and hoping to fix the hole my death seems to have left in their lives. I don't want to gloat about how important I was, I know there are other people who were way more important to them, but we were a team. Losing any one of them would have torn me up, like losing a member on Virmire. I still have nightmares about the watching that bomb go off from orbit...

While we were fighting our way through mercs Garrus took a hit from a rocket ship. I’m waiting in the med bay with him now. He came to a while ago but the doctor said he should continue resting. I think he wanted to leave the med bay but with the dressings over his face he wasn't allowed to, threatened with some dextro injection or some kind if he tried to leave. It’s a threat that would have worked on me to, I hate needles, but I’m surprised it worked on Garrus. He’s not the best turian, but I think a lifetime of being taught to obey a superior has its effects on someone. I just hope he can leave a help out so, I could do with him having my six when I go ground-side.

** ** **

The prison ship was a set up. The Warden, Kuril I think his name was, wanted me and my team instead of holding up his end of the bargain. Instead of just giving us Jack he got his prison ship blown up and all the convicts released through the galaxy. I sent a file with their names to the council - I don't know what they were all in there for, we don't need bad people running around the galaxy freely when we already have the Collectors and Reapers to deal with.

Jack though… she’s an odd one. Not exactly sure what to make of her if I'm honest. She seems like a good enough fighter. She managed to get through the ship by herself with mecs, other criminals and explosions the whole way. She’s a lot younger than I thought she’d be given her reputation, but i guess age isn't everything. Maybe she just had a bad start in life, there wasn't much in her dossier and she hasn't spoken to me besides demanding files on Cerberus and whatever else she wants. I figure it'll be easier for everyone if she gets what she wants, at least until she’s more settled on the ship. I'm a little worried about forcing her to stay cooped up in the ship for a long time between systems, but after the cryo-freeze she was under I guess it’s gotta be an improvement.

I'm getting to know Miranda a bit better now, even if she’s still quite distant. Jacob still hardly talks about anything beyond the weapons he upkeeps and the time he served in the Alliance. I’m sure the two of them have some past history but i don't know either of them well enough to ask about it. One day maybe I’ll be able to call them something different to just crewmates but for now MIranda Lawson is just my second in command and Jacob is just another pair of boots to hit the ground.

** ** **

Luckily Garrus was feeling up to a mission this time, or I might not be writing this. He took out a merc who had me in his sights while I was too preoccupied trying to take down the mercenary leader, Jedore. We’d been sent in to retrieve this krogan scientist - who ever heard of one of them - who’d apparently figured out a way to bypass the genophage or something like that. I'm not entirely sure of the science, but Okeer was a guy we needed. Turned out though, he was happy to die for his last creation, a krogan in a tank who was immune to the genophage. His DNA ignored it, or so Okeer said.

It took a while, but eventually I decided letting the krogan out of the tank was a better idea than just keeping him in there, so now we have Grunt on our team. Threats were exchanged both ways, but what do you expect from a krogan with no memories other than those he was given and a natural penchant for bloodrage? He seems like he's a good kid either way, and I’m eager to see what he can do with being newly born i guess. He’s only a few days old, but he’s already fully capable and knows his way around the ship, his weapons and the history of the krogan. Guess it's just what Okeer thought was important.

Whatever happens next, it might be over soon. EDI just called me to the QEC, seems the Illusive Man wants a word or two before sending me on some other mission. This could be the end of everything, I guess I’ll find out.

** ** **

Horizon was the second set up the Illusive Man has sent me into, this one was intentional. I'm starting to question ever thinking that I could work with hi on this, or does he think I'm just another expendable lackey - a 4 billion credits worth lackey. Not so expendable, maybe just good enough to not get killed. Again. Half the colony had been taken by the Collectors by the time we got there, and the damn ship was still in the air. After fighting through their forces and almost being overwhelmed we managed to get the Alliances AA guns operational. It wouldn't have been possible without EDI, I’m even starting to think the AI isn't the worst think to have on board.

Ashley was there. The way she acted when she saw me, its like she didn't even recognise me and she called me a traitor for working with Cerberus. If the Alliance was doing anything to stop the Collectors instead of sitting on their hands while the council tried to work things out themselves I wouldn't have to be working with them. I wanted her to join my team, to fight with me like she had before all the issues with the Collectors. Like when we were going after Saren together. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it, she was always there for me and now… Now she acts like she doesn't know me. I almost wish we could go back to the awkward conversations after I asked her to dinner, at least I know how to fix that.

** ** **

Aeia was a mess. A crashed cargo ship, a crew of half maddened men and women set up in a makeshift colony and the highest ranking member in charge of them as though they were his personal slaves and harems. Captain Taylor had gone almost as mad as his crew, except he hadn't been eating the toxic plants but had been a victim of his newfound power. It was hard seeing Jacob watching his dad acting like that. After not seeing him for years, Jacob dealt with it well. He said as far as he was concerned his father was already dead years ago. I'm not sure I could have been so impartial in that situation. But I lost my family under much different circumstances.  
Jacob’s kept himself to himself since we left the planet. I don't blame him. In the end his dad… we don't know. He might have taken his own life or he might have tried to keep the hunters back - that's what he'd started calling the men from his crew who had turned on him. I don't blame them either. There was a monument or shrine to him in the centre of the clearing the crew was using as a home, something they'd been forced to make no doubt.

I got as report about an hour ago from the Alliance about the rescue mission they embarked on to collect the remaining crewmembers from the planet. Apparently they're being out through an intense rehabilitation scheme with the Alliance and being kept in secure environments while they try to relearn the things they'd forgotten while eating the poisonous plants instead of food. Most of them had forgotten how to read or write, some had even forgotten how to talk properly. A handful had become crazed and violent and were shot down planet side when they attacked the rescue teams. Hopefully those that are left can get back to how they used to be and maybe have normal lives in the end. But I feel for the families that mourned the missing crew. It's like they're back from the dead.

But honestly they're not my main concern. I just need to make sure Jacob is alright. Probably give him some downtime to process what happened down there. I'd need it.

** ** **

Haestrom was scorching. The sun there is dying faster than it should be so the thermal radiation was enough to have us in a constant sweat and overheat weapons and shields in a matter of seconds. That's why the quarians had sent the group there, headed up by Tali’Zorah vas Neema. Apparently the quarians last names change according to their birth ship or which ship they're accepted to after their pilgrimage. I still remember when I first met Tali. she was on her pilgrimage and had come to the Citadel to turn over some data from a geth memory drive to the Shadow Broker but she was set up instead. I ended up saving her and she offered the evidence and her help in return. she spent a lot of her time in the engines, where she felt safe, and didn't sleep well with the ship being so quiet. but even though she was so young she still stuck it out. I admire her determination even if she is a little reckless sometimes.

Tali’s team was pinned down by geth, with her being trapped in a small room behind an armature. It was like fighting through Saren’s forces but in boiling sunlight. It was almost easy to fight them off and get to Tali, but we lost all her men in the process except one - Kal’Reegar. He convinced her to come with me and my team.

There's a lot of tension between Tali and the Cerberus crew. Apparently there's bad blood between the quarians and Cerberus, since they went after some girl the flotilla had offered safety to or something like that. I don't want to look too much into what Cerberus has done wrong while I'm working with them. Once I'm done with this then maybe I'll try to right some wrongs. After the Reapers and Collectors are dealt with.

** ** **

I don't even know how to start this entry. Its all a bit too much if I'm honest, seeing Liara again on Illium. It was... unusual. I've never died and come back before and seeing someone look at me like she did was just... I don't even know. She looked like she couldn't decide if she was happy or not, I'm not sure if that was because of me doing something wrong or just because suddenly I'm back. She said she loved me once, and I believed her, I'm just not sure if she does anymore. Even if we did... share a kiss. It doesn't mean she still loves me, just that she needed to know I was real. I'm still so in love with her, it doesn't feel fair. She's had two years to get over me, more than that now, and I've never fallen out of love with her. I think we both need tome to think, although there's not much for me to think about. I love her, I want her, I don't care that I was gone in the same way she does, I just care that I'mn back and I can see her again. It has to be hard for her though, not knowing what to believe anymore.

She was all business after that. She helped me track down Thane Krios, who I have a dossier for now. My next goal is to get those two to join the cause, but first Miranda has some business she wants me to help her deal with on Illium, and I figure Thane isn't going anywhere fast. I'll go see what I can do for Miranda, then I'll figure out what to do with Thane's situation. Liara claims he's an assassin with a high profile target but we're not sure who yet. she just gave me someone to talk to.

** ** **

Miranda was asking for more help than I'd thought. I mean, who even knew she had a sister. I wouldn't have been surprised if there was no one she really cared about in the galaxy with how she's been acting towards me and the rest of my crew - given a few exceptions.

But when her little sister was in trouble she just leapt into action, taking on her father's hired thugs and even her old best friend. She would have killed him if I hadn't stopped her, but it didn't matter in the long run. The asari mercenary who lead the hirelings killed him anyway. I guess at least Miranda doesn't have it on her mind that she killed her best friend. We all have enough blood on our hands as it is. I can definitely say I saw a different side to Miranda today, someone who cares about others and who isn't just the stoic ice queen she's come to seem like.

I've noticed Jack skulking around the ship a lot more recently. Maybe she's finally coming out of her shell and venturing out of engineering more often. We haven't had much time to talk since she came aboard, which I regret. She's actually decent company once you get past the harsh words and callous nature. I'd like to think she'd have my back when it came to it, and I hope she trusts me to do the same. Miranda and her still get on as well as ever, never coming to blows but that might be because they know I'll hear about it if they did. They're two to keep an eye on I guess, don't need my team at each other's throats before we finish this mission. After that I guess it's up to them.

** ** **

So I found out what Jack wanted with all her lurking. I guess it was too much to hope she might have decided to become friends with anyone on board. But she needed help with something too, figured after I helped Miranda out with her family problems I wouldn't say no to helping her deal with her own issues. She has a lot of them, but one at a time for now. When she came onto the Normandy I offered her all the files we had that she asked for, it wasn't like I'm in charge of keeping Cerberus' secrets safe. She found a location in one of those files, the place where Cerberus held her as a child while they put her through who even knows what to turn her into some biotic super weapon. That's no fate for a child. So we're waiting to head out to this facility she found now, and she's scowling at me while I'm writing this. I'm hoping after this she'll see I'm here for her, as much as I am for anyone on my team. She needs to trust me if we're gonna get through this.

** ** **

It's strange being back on Illium, knowing Liara is just a few minutes walk away. Eternity is a nice enough place, lacking the dancers and heavy music of places like Chora's Den and Afterlife, which is a pleasant change, and it's nice to just sit and wait somewhere without having to keep my head down.

Jack's been drinking the whole time we've been here, telling me to mind my own business if I ask if anything's wrong. After what happened at the Teltin facility I don't blame her for wanting to drink it away, except she never gets drunk or even tipsy from what I've seen. Maybe it's all the shit Cerberus put her through. It was tough, going through her old prison, her cell. There's still a stain on the wall from where she killed the guard outside her cell. She said it wasn't her first, that she fought - maybe killed - the kids Cerberus pit her against. They rewarded her with narcotics when she won. It's sick ideas like this that make me question the temporary alliance with the Illusive Man. And it is just that. Temporary.

We're here for a bit of shore leave, waiting for everyone to get themselves rested and relaxed before they're back in armour and on the ground ready for when we go after the next guy on our list. Thane Krios. There's not been a time to stop and catch our breath yet, with dealing with the issues the crew has and recruiting more good men and women to the cause. We've just added an asari to our ranks, a Justicar - whatever one of those is. Incredibly honourable and likely to stick by me through anything now I have her oath. Samara seems like a good person, I'm lucky to have her on the team. She'll be invaluable in the fighting, I've seen her skills. She's talented, and ruthless...

I'm just waiting for Liara to get back to me with a location or a name, something I can use to track him down. She said it wouldn't take long, but how far can her information network run? It's not like she's the shadow broker.

** ** **

Thane is interesting to say the least. I've never met a drell before, and their memory is fascinating, but also a little unnerving when he just throws out details like that. It's still amazing that he can recall it in such detail though, but I don't know how he deals with living through the bad times like that. the deaths and the injuries, I wonder if he can feel the pain as well as see it.

He's going to be a good member of the team, much like Samara, and I'm looking forward to seeing him in action even if I am still a little annoyed her used me and my team as a distraction. He just wanted to get closer to the asari he was going after. The same woman I helped years ago when she claimed her sister had been taken by mercenaries. Turned out her sister was the merc. maybe her lying finally caught up with her, I don't know, it just feels dirty to have been involved with that.

I'd write more, but I don't have time. Liara wanted me for something, since I gave her this data disk from the Illusive Man. I don't know what kind of deal they had, but she looked upset when she left. Better go find out what it was.

** ** **

When people say they're sleeping with the enemy, they don't normally mean it literally. But the Shadow broker is kind of the enemy of the galaxy, as well as a valuable player in the game of politics. And now, well, I'm sleeping with that enemy.

Liara is the Shadow broker now, and I probably shouldn't be writing that down but there it is. She's the Shadow Broker and she's still in love with me and I'm so fucking happy right now for the first time since I came back. Everything feels better knowing what I know now, I just wish I'd believed in her more and not jumped to the conclusions I had. Although I'm pretty sure there are some feelings floating between her and Feron from before, she's told me she wants to be with me. What she did when I was dead isn't an issue. I was dead.

But this also means that now I have something else to think about. Liara asked me to promise I'd come back from this mission, even though we both know this is a suicide mission for a reason. But so was Ilos, and we saw it through then. I said I'd come back to her, and I hate that I might have lied to her but I couldn't stand to see her crying any longer.

She stayed with me for a while after that, we talked, we kissed and we slept. and it was perfect.

** ** **

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the second instalment.  
> All feedback is very appreciated :)


End file.
